"Yo Gabba Gabba," or, How I gave up and learned to appreciate today's childrens shows

I've resented new children's TV programing for a while now. It just ain't what it used to be- shows like Pete and Pete, Ren and Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, Hey Arnold, and countless other Nickelodeon classics would never air on after-school Nickelodeon today. Some of these have even been aired on channels not aimed at kids. Nowadays everything has to be constructive and learning-based. Studies are released telling us what it is kids "need" to "grow," and TV shows are planned and launched, or in some cases modified, in accordance. The perfect example: The Cookie Monster. He epitomized what was so great about a lot of children's programming back in the day. He had no big lesson to offer, no agenda; he was just an emotionally unstable glutton, and it was hilarious.

Now what is he?



A freaking sellout. The old cookie monster would never have subscribed to the notion that cookies aren't the perfect food at any time. It infuriates me.

What is good about new children's TV programming though is its seeming obsession with celebrities. Who better to teach children valuable lessons than the celebrities they've come to know and love? Pretend you're a six year old watching Nick Jr. You're sick and home from school, and your mother tells you you should see the doctor. You refuse initially, until your main man Anthony Bourdain comes on the TV and tells you whats up.



WELL THEN. Say no more. I find it hilarious that such a famously ill-tempered, mouthy, albeit hilarious man would appear on such a ridiculously cheery and over-the-top kids' show. You can see the hate behind his eyes with that smile and nod there at the end. But wait! Anthony Bourdain isn't the only one in on it...

Of Montreal wants to tell you all about what to do when your tummy is bothering you (video).

Weezer teaches us a thing or two about bugs (video).

Sean Kingston wants to dance with you.


Weird Al Yankovic is a "ringmaster," and possibly also some sort of pedophile.


The Shins remind you to always get up and try again.


Elijah Wood does a lot of cocaine.


Mos Def... Uh...


If you look around, you can also find videos of Jack Black, MGMT, The Ting Tings and Shiny Toy Guns (aka "The Shinys") and other celebrities/bands. I'll take Pete and Pete over this garbage any day, but you know what? So long as they manage to keep us grown-ups entertained, Nickelodeon and other kids' networks can do whatever they want in my book.